How to be confident: 5 tips to apply

5 tips for self-confidence

Have you ever wondered what it is about those people who share their opinions with ease and aplomb? Who are confident and command admiration, even envy?

What is so different about them that they move forward in life boldly and often successfully?

They have confidence in themselves!

For the others, that is to say most of us, negative thoughts sometimes prevent us from moving forward, from taking risks. It is a vicious circle that sets in, the lack of self-confidence leading us to devalue ourselves, making it even more difficult to take initiatives.

But the good news is that self-confidence is not innate and if we don't all start with the same capital, it can be worked on. The progress will surprise you.

Here are 5 first tips to follow to start your transformation now.

1/ Understand your lack of confidence to better understand it

Self-confidence, or rather the lack of self-confidence, appears at different moments of our lives, in a more or less exacerbated way: academic success, friendships and love affairs, job search, job interviews, public speaking...

The first thing to do is a check-up to better understand this phenomenon, with questions such as:

• When does it happen to me? In what context?
• With whom is this happening to me?
• Is this something new? Has it evolved lately?

Then identify the fears behind these manifestations:

• Fear of others, of not doing well enough, of making bad decisions...

Finally, ask what limiting beliefs amplify this phenomenon:

• "I'm not interesting to anyone", "I'm not as competent as the others", or "you can't make a difference to recruiters with a generalist profile"...

Limiting beliefs are certainties acquired over time that have a negative impact on our thoughts and actions.

Asking yourself the right questions to understand what is behind this lack of confidence is a first step. This will allow you to take a step back, to look at the situation with more lucidity and to become aware of the mechanisms at play.

Get professional help if the exercise seems too difficult.

2/ Work on your strengths

If we tend to see only our weak points, it is however shown that it is more effective to develop our strengths. This allows you to progress faster and with greater potential. Working on your strengths will allow you to reach your goals more easily, to reinforce your self-confidence and at the same time to feel more fulfilled.

So how do you identify them?

• Do some introspective work. It is also extremely interesting to ask for feedback from people close to you: family, friends, colleagues.

Go for it! Go for it! This feedback will soothe you, even boost you.

• Another method is to think back to your major accomplishments: what assets do you have?
• You can also adopt the talent approach, in the sense proposed by the Gallup Institute: a natural way of thinking, feeling or behaving.

M. Buckingham and D. Clifton of the Gallup Institute have isolated 34 themes. They show that people who use their talents in the professional sphere are considerably more successful than others.

• There are also several tests that will help you gain a better understanding of yourself. Among these, the DISC (for Dominance, Influence, Stability, Conformity) which allows everyone to better understand their behavioral and communication preferences. We can also mention the MBTI.

It's advisable to work on these tests with a professional such as a coachBeyond the results, it's about understanding how you can use these assets.

And what to do then with your weak points? Let go!!! Delegate, work around the difficulty or improve just enough to achieve the minimum essential!

3/ Adopt a more positive way of thinking

If talking about the Coué method can make you smile, it is however the impact of words on healing that this pharmacist highlighted. In 1922, he published "Self-control through conscious autosuggestion" which was a resounding success.

There are 3 ways to use autosuggestion:

• by the body: it is a question of implanting pleasure through a physical attitude. If you decide to smile, even in a "forced" way, your brain will receive a signal, and this smile will have a positive impact, as with a "natural" smile.

It is proven: you smile, you implant good mood, you laugh, you implant joy in you, generating endorphins, the hormones of well-being.

• Visualization: to be used without limits to prepare for a stressful moment (interview, exam, presentation...) and to visualize it as we would like it to happen. When the moment arrives, the brain has the impression to have already overcome it, that reassures and makes it easier to pass this test.
• through words: as simple as it may seem, repeating a positive mantra several times a day and over a long period of time works. You just have to see what we are capable of doing to ourselves with small negative sentences to be convinced!

The Coué method is at the origin of many personal development techniques today: those related to positive psychology, but also a number of therapeutic approaches, such as NLP, sophrology or hypnosis.

Without going into detail about these various practices, here are some simple techniques that can help you adopt a more positive way of thinking:

• Take stock of 3 things that brought you happiness during the day
• Take care of yourself by taking a few minutes to read or meditate
• Getting away from toxic people
• Celebrate your successes
• Doing sports

Whatever you adopt, it is the repetition, the habit you will create, the rituals you will put in place that will have a lasting impact on your life and your confidence.

You want to go further on this subject? Check out the article "positive mindset: 10 tips to develop a positive attitude".

4/ Work on your posture

As we've just seen, smiling puts you in a good mood. Well, the same goes for your posture : standing up straight, shoulders slightly back, hands on hips, head erect gives you more self-confidence!

American psychologist Amy Cuddy explains that " posture influences thoughts and emotions". Her discovery has been measured (and validated) in the laboratory: a posture expressing self-confidence has, after two minutes, an effect on our brain chemistry. It stimulates the production of testosterone (combativeness) and lowers the level of cortisol (stress), two hormones which play a major role in assertive situations.

Beyond the way you position your body, working on your posture is also a state of mind to adopt:

• reach out to others at every opportunity: at your workplace, in your sports club...
• be curious, open (reading, exhibitions, conferences...)
• stop apologizing
• dare to speak up, dare to take your place

5/ Be authentic

There is a tendency to think of people who are confident as extroverts: they are comfortable communicating, they speak up, they are easily noticed.

However, the link is not direct.

The key is to be authentic: accept yourself as you are, stay natural, live in line with your values.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to improve yourself or try new things, quite the contrary. But it must be done in accordance with your deepest aspirations, your desires, your needs.

Being authentic also means more sincere and simple relationships with others and with yourself: you stay true to who you are and accept that others do the same. You also accept your emotions, your feelings, without trying to repress them, which allows you to be more balanced, happier and more confident.

"It is the image we have of ourselves that makes our destiny". This quote from Nathaniel Branden perfectly sums up how much the image we project on ourselves impacts our lives.

So become aware of your abilities, look at yourself with kindness and love to (re)gain confidence in yourself.

Would you like to find out more or work on your confidence with a coach professional?

Contact Laurence Levy

For further information, please also contact Fabienne Revillard.

Discover also AAA+ Coaching and Training on Facebook and Linkedin?